James 1:5 - 7
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Those who doubt should not think they will receive anything from the Lord; 8 they are double-minded and unstable in all they do.
In my quiet time this morning (I actually managed to make myself have one) I was using a guide to help me to define my purpose in life. After working through some questions, looking up some bible verses, I was asked to write down my person declaration of who my "Master" is - what is the driving force that directs my life. Going through this particular section of this study has been very humbling because it's very obvious to me that *I* am on the throne of my life and not God. I am driven by my OWN desires, my OWN thoughts, my OWN ideas of how I think things should be. I thought of the verse above and how that was me, I am continually driven and tossed this way and that way, because I am double minded, trying to serve both God and myself. Luke 16:13 says that "NO ONE can serve two masters...." and that's exactly what I've been trying to do. Serve God but still serving myself and as I'm sure many others know that these two things are not exactly compatible. Proverbs 3:5 says to "Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding".
I feel miserable emotionally today because I KNOW who my master is (Jesus) but I am not following him and it makes me loath myself. I just pray that this loathing will not make me do sinful things, but rather spur me on to do good things! Like the next thing I'm about to do.... I'm going to turn off the computer for the rest of the day and think about my family and serving them. I beg for your continued prayers....