Friday, May 30, 2008

Emotions :P

Hormones, depression, & decaff, OH MY!

I'm way out of my "comfort zone" right now.... I had been feeling pretty good and then I got pregnant! : \ Since then (just a few weeks now) my hormone levels have sky rocketed, I had weened off my Zoloft & and I can't stand my coffee. All of this has made for one seriously out of whack "MommyScott". I've since spoken with my midwife and we've got me back on some Zoloft on a half dose of what I was doing to see if that will be "good enough" to get me through this pregnancy. I've found I can stand ice tea and lemonade much better than coffee, which will help in the caffeine department. Now if only we could fix the hormones.... :)

I've had such a rebellious heart lately. I've been so up and down emotionally and haven't really stopped to have really face time with the Lord. Today it was really brought to my attention that my relationship with HIM is seriously lacking and still I've been fighting it. I feel totally broken, not just emotionally, but as a human being. Then my awesome DH ( reminded me that God is not broken, but he loves to use broken people. I've kind of just allowed that to sink in all day and can honestly say that I am at the complete end of myself. It's either reconnect with the Lord or just look my heavenly father in the face and say "No thanks, I've got it". I think of Joshua and the Israelites... how many times they were given this choice. To serve God or to serve themselves. Joshua made the mental choice and spoke it aloud that HE and his household would serve the Lord. It had nothing to do with his emotional state, but he made the conscious choice to serve the Lord.

I have not been doing that. I've been flying by the seat of my emotions and it's left me feeling empty and totally broken. I have not said to myself each and every day "Today I WILL serve God and not myself" and so by default I'm choosing myself and my own strength. Lord help me choose YOU each and every day because that is what it takes. Help me to abandon all this selfish "ME" living that I've inundated myself with and turn to serving others (namely my family right now.) Remind me upon waking up that Your mercies are new EVERY morning and that I just need to seek your mercy and your grace. I ask this in the name above every name, Jesus Christ, the risen Lord and Savior of all. Amen.


kbs said...

amen! i'll encourage you to get back on track if you'll encourage me. you don't know how much i admire you for all of the wisdom you have at such a young age. i'm still struggling and i have 30years on you!

Mommy Scott said...

@kbs - I think it's a life long struggle. I don't think I'll ever "master" this one, but I'll try :).